Lessons Learned: Leaving a Private, Christian School to Homeschool

We considered and learned so much as we shifted from a private, Christian school to homeschooling. I offer a comparison in the areas of social experience, academic experience, and cost. I have primarily shared the disadvantages of enrolling in a Christian school.

As young parents, we hadn’t fully embraced our God-given responsibilities. I have highlighted the importance of following Biblical principles in this area. Lastly, I have listed some steps to assist with the decision-making process. I hope this article will help you to make a more informed choice as you consider the weighty decision of enrolling in a private, Christian school.

Our Prompt for Private, Christian School

My husband and I grew up attending public schools and then continued our education at public universities. But many of our church friends attended a local, private, Christian school growing up. As they enrolled their little ones there, they encouraged us to do so as well.  

Although it was a significant financial burden, our two girls attended that school through their second- and fourth-grade years. If they had not spent that time in a private school setting, I think it would have been harder for me to commit to homeschooling. Our overall experience with the school was good. But with my understanding of the private school experience, I could then homeschool with more confidence because I knew what we had given up.     

My husband and I know many parents who have enrolled their children in Christian schools. Over the years, several of these families have switched to other school options. We also know parents who started out homeschooling, but then enrolled their students in a Christian school. This is more common for students going into the high school years. Some parents desire a high school transcript from an accredited school. (Some online schools, such as Abeka Academy and Bridgeway Academy also offer an accredited program).  

While school choice is a weighty decision, it’s not unusual for families to switch directions. For us, the decision to leave the Christian school was primarily based on finances. That being said, homeschooling has been the right choice for us. With what we know now, we wouldn’t go back to private school, even if the cost wasn’t a consideration.  

The Pitch of This Post

When I started writing this article, I had the idea that I could compile a tidy list of the pros and cons of private, Christian schooling and then compare those to homeschooling. I struggled to put that together, and then reminded myself of why I started this website! I don’t think I can sum up homeschooling in a single post. The choice to educate our children at home has had a substantial impact on our lives. I have shared that in the form of many posts. So please, read those too! Check out the list of categories in the sidebar menu.   

So, a forewarning: this post is slanted. It is primarily the disadvantages of a private, Christian school. As a side note—I have not addressed, in this post, the many struggles we have faced while homeschooling. I have ample writing material for that as well—truly. Peruse this website for a fuller picture.

The Social Experience

Finding Community

As a homeschooling mom, I sometimes feel a twinge of uncertainty around September. It sneaks up on me when friends share their kids’ back-to-school snapshots on Facebook. Those pictures remind me of the class parties, choir performances, and football games we won’t naturally be a part of.  

We do participate in activities with our homeschool community. But it sometimes feels different than the connectedness that private school families share. (The grass is always greener on the other side, isn’t it?) I have to remind myself that the sense of community varies from one family to the next, and from one season to the next.  

Many homeschooling families forge close relationships with others in their homeschool community. It does take some effort, but we’ve had years rich with relationships. Traveling around the Midwest for speech and debate tournaments has been memorable. Seasons have overflowed with play practice and stage building alongside the cast and director of a “performing the classics” group. Game nights with good friends gifted our daughter with laugh till you cry moments. We also had seasons that felt parched—when we struggled to find endeavors the kids enjoyed, and friends who were truly friends.  

At the same time, private school families can also feel disconnected from their school community. Interactions with others might be limited to pick-up and drop-off time. Although a plateful of opportunities may be offered, the financial constraints of private school tuition can make it difficult for parents to get involved. The demands of work, to pay the bill, can limit availability. And private school children can certainly have the same struggle with making friends—even in a classroom full of kids.

For a handful of years, I served as a board member for a homeschool group of about one-hundred families. I was a liaison for those interested in joining. Over the years, I was surprised by the number of moms who were doggedly pursuing a community where they could belong. While being involved with your school community is good, being involved with your church community is better. You can enjoy both, but you’re missing out if you don’t have a church family.

Peers and Socialization

While it may require more effort for homeschooling kids to spend time with friends, my husband and I are okay with that. We don’t think it’s necessary, or always beneficial, for children and teens to spend their school days with peers.  

Certainly, the dynamics that come along with a group of classmates are not always good. Many homeschool parents will tell you that socialization is the primary reason why they homeschool. They don’t want their kids socialized by a classroom of same-age peers.  

Socialization (learning to behave in a socially acceptable way) occurs for homeschoolers as they interact with their siblings, parents, neighbors, and church family. It also happens as they participate in the many activities available for homeschoolers, such as field trips, homeschool choir, art class, 4-H, soccer club, debate club, and book club. The difference is this: there is far less time spent seeking approval and direction from peers, and far more time spent learning from parents and others of various ages and experiences. In my opinion, that better equips children for adulthood. I think traditional classrooms shelter kids from a truer survey of the world and a more positive form of socialization.

The Impact

We did sincerely appreciate the elementary school teachers who taught our girls at the private school. They had a heart for the Lord and a heart for ministering to the families at the school. They also had a very challenging job. Even with smaller class sizes (which wasn’t always the case), there was a room full of children with a wide variety of academic and emotional needs. 

While Christian teachers can offer a wonderful testimony for Christ, I think students are more often impacted by their classmates. Our quiet, respectful daughters were regularly seated next to the students who often disrupted class. Were our girls a good influence on these rowdy classmates? Probably. Did this enrich their school experience? Nope. Some days it was a little miserable for our first grader to have the boy behind her purposefully and repeatedly kicking her seat. Do bullying, or even drug abuse and promiscuous behavior occur in private school settings? Yep. 

Is Exposure to Deviant Behavior Helpful (Even Necessary?) for Children?

A physician’s assistant at our doctor’s office once told me that she wouldn’t homeschool her granddaughter (who had asked to be homeschooled) because she needed “to learn how to deal with bullies.” What a sad perspective. Is there ever a good reason for children to experience name-calling, harassment, or threats? And is it realistic to expect learning to take place in a fearful environment?  

How many adults are forced to tolerate bullying in the workplace? Our government has established laws to protect employees from having to tolerate unfriendly work environments. Yet children are unprotected in their schools—a place for learning.  

Please note—bullies bully after school too. My homeschooled son has dealt with this in our own neighborhood. But here’s the key difference: our son can walk away. He isn’t forced to be around this kid five days a week. What a grim situation for students who must “learn how to deal with bullies.”

Some families, even in a private, Christian school, will allow or even support unbiblical standards. My husband and I do understand that all of humanity is sinful—Christians included. We just had expected greater like-mindedness among the families at the private, Christian school. We were naive in our expectations.  

The Skirmish in Private, Christian Schools

Private schools don’t receive the same government funding as public schools. We hadn’t thought through the ramifications of this. Christian school administrators are often burdened with the need to enroll as many students as possible. While they may have a statement of faith and governing standards for families, exceptions can be made when budgets are tight.  

Families sometimes send their child to a private, Christian school because their student is struggling, or even at-risk of being expelled from public school. (For those shaking your fist on behalf of the underdog, I am not opposed to students getting the help they need. They should. But providing this kind of outreach isn’t in the mission statement for most private, Christian schools.) Parents paying the cost of tuition reasonably expect that their student’s peers will be from families of like faith and values.

But even Christian school traditions can hinder students in an unforeseen way. Public school is more black-and-white. There’s no smokescreen. Students don’t shy away from expressing what they believe. That is encouraged and even celebrated in public schools. In private schools, a form of Godliness can be cultivated, which may conceal a multitude of sins. Can this happen in a homeschool setting? It can, and it does. But you won’t be sacrificing thousands of dollars for the practice. And the homeschool path naturally lends itself to more parental awareness and involvement. An ungodly influence can lead to much heartache for a child or young adult who is (typically) not yet grounded in their faith.

The Academic Experience

Expectations

At our Christian school, teachers tested the preschoolers for “kindergarten readiness.” Both of our girls did well on this assessment. I was a preschool teacher during their younger years, and I had spent significant time preparing them for kindergarten. We read frequently, listened to audiobooks, and developed fine motor skills. We practiced number recognition, counting, letter names, and letter sounds. They were ready for kindergarten! 

Since our girls were attending the elementary school, we decided to enroll our youngest (a boy) in the preschool. For a variety of reasons, I hadn’t dedicated as much effort to preparing him for kindergarten. I was banking on his preschool experience for that. We were paying a good chunk of money for this outcome.

When we got his kindergarten-readiness results, I was disappointed. He could go on to kindergarten, but his score was not even close to where our girls had tested. Not only that, but the preschool teacher’s notion was not favorable. She told me he might not be a strong student because he was a boy. Ugh. This made our decision to homeschool a lot easier. I knew our son was a quick learner. He just needed someone to attentively teach him. I wasn’t sure what opinion his kindergarten teacher would have. But I decided I wasn’t going to let someone else pigeon-hole him because he was a boy.

Classroom Challenges

We often place our school teachers on a pedestal. Good, godly teachers ought to be appreciated for the significant sacrifices they make. But teachers don’t actually have superpowers. They are human (even private, Christian school teachers). As a young parent, I think I had unrealistic expectations of what teachers can accomplish.

In any classroom, the teacher is often teaching to the academically weakest student. Our daughter was basically tutoring struggling students in “reading groups.” Classroom management requires skill and technique that meets the academic needs of all the students. This is, in part, why teachers need a teaching degree. (While it is helpful to have a degree of any kind when homeschooling, it is not necessary.)

And like the rest of us, teachers sometimes experience difficult circumstances in life. A chronically ill or absent teacher can hinder a class from making adequate progress. A substitute teacher may not be able to provide the same quality of classroom instruction offered by a consistently prepared and available teacher.

Homeschooling focuses solely on the academic needs of your child. While it requires a different kind of management, I am confident our homeschooling offered a much more rigorous academic program for all three of our children. There is simply no substitution for the one-on-one tailored instruction.

A multitude of issues can affect classroom learning: misbehaving students, bullying, ungodly influences, unprepared teachers, or unmet academic needs. Some children might be strong in their character and faith and take all this in stride. For other children, it can be a recipe for anxiety and make learning cumbersome. Regardless of how a child handles the issues that land at his feet, there will be a hefty fee for the private school experience.  

The Cost for the Experience

Cha-Ching: Tuition

When our third child was ready for kindergarten, we were contemplating a monthly school bill that would exceed our mortgage payment. My husband was working a second job and we were barely making ends meet. I was working part-time and considering something full-time, but the gain from private school was just not worth the sacrifice. Ironically, some of those same church friends (who had recommended the private school) were now homeschooling their kids. We decided it was worth a try. 

When considering the costs of private education, don’t just assume you can “make it work” financially. Many in our church family assured us that God would provide if private school was His plan for us. When He stopped providing (i.e., it was difficult to pay the bills), we ignored the indication and continued paying school tuition far too long.  

I’m not saying that parents shouldn’t make financial sacrifices in order to provide a private, Christian education. We have made considerable financial sacrifices in order to homeschool. But I would estimate (for us), in terms of purely academic expenses, homeschooling costs have been one-tenth of private school costs. This does not account for the fact that homeschooling has required that I give up a career. But the trade-off has been impactful time spent with my children. The value of that cannot be measured in money. We only have eighteen years to wholly invest in the teaching and training of our children. There will be other seasons for other pursuits.       

Paying private school tuition also meant paying less toward our mortgage and debt repayment, putting less money in savings, driving older vehicles (often with more repair costs), taking fewer family vacations, and putting nothing toward college savings plans. Don’t ignore the reality of the sacrifices. Be wise and be realistic about the cost. Consider not only what you are paying for in school tuition, but also what you are not paying for because of school tuition.

Additional Cost Considerations

I also think we paid fewer doctor bills after we started homeschooling. Our kids were healthier. I know some parents will say illness “builds their immune systems.” Our kids still got sick, but I think they had quicker (and less expensive) recoveries, with fewer secondary infections. Homeschooling can offer a more restful lifestyle. This is particularly important for children who struggle with chronic illness.

As our kids got older, we realized too, the importance of enrolling them in college courses (while still in high school). We were glad for the option to dual-enroll with our local school district. All three of our kids took college courses for free. This saved us thousands of dollars and gave access to more challenging coursework. The college transcripts showed that our kids were academically prepared for college (and gave credibility to the “mommy grades” on their high school transcripts). Some private schools are not able to offer this option. Ask your school of interest if they allow students to earn college credit through advanced placement classes while in high school.

Tick-tock

In addition to the financial costs, the traditional school setting also has costs in the commodity of time. The schedule wore out our kids when they were little. I think even into second grade, our girls were exhausted. Our oldest developed a facial tic that I believe was from fatigue. It went away when she was more rested. We carpooled (about 25 minutes each way) with another family. I still cringe a little when I think about the frantic mornings trying to get all the kids to school on time (eek!). Throw a little sin into the mix…there were many rough mornings. 

Between school, related after-school activities, and homework, we had far less family time. It was a struggle to do devotionals or work on verse memorization. The elementary school principal would gently chide parents about getting kids to bed earlier. But attending Sunday evening church and Wednesday evening AWANA was a priority for us. The traditional school schedule was the problem.  

What We Better Understand Now

I recognize that some families may have an excellent private school experience. We know parents who greatly appreciate their Christian school. They enrolled with an appropriate desire for their kids to grow in Biblical knowledge and practice through the school’s program. The school support can be a blessing in many ways. What I offer here is simply our perspective, to help others make a more informed decision. I encourage parents to consider both the benefits and the drawbacks. There are pros and cons to every school option.

Regardless of your school choice, it’s important to embrace what we didn’t fully understand as young parents: raising and educating children is first and foremost the responsibility of parents. This seems so obvious, but in practice, parents often relinquish this to others.

Teach Them Diligently

It is the parents’ job to teach their children a love for God and His ways. It is the parents’ job to help their children develop skills that will equip them to serve their Creator. This can be accomplished with the aid of others, but the responsibility belongs to the parents.

It is easy for us to feel inadequate. If we listen to our insecurities, if we listen to the culture, if we listen to (many) school teachers, we will hand-off this duty given by God. We will embrace a spirit of fear that keeps us from doing what God has called us to do. We will believe the lie that someone else is better equipped. When we drop off our child at the private, Christian school, or at Sunday school, or at youth group; we will check-off the teach them diligently box on our parenting to-do list.

While it is a blessing to have the Biblical support and encouragement of a school and church, as loving parents following God’s precepts—we are the best teachers for our child. We need to be the primary influence in our children’s lives. Even if we send our children to a Christian school, we still need to follow God’s mandate:

“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.”

Deuteronomy 6:5-7 (ESV)

Most private schools appropriately reinforce this truth as part of their mission statement. They define their role as support for parents. This mindset may seem insignificant. But it is an integral change of perspective for parents who trust that God can equip them to teach and train their children. As you consider a traditional school setting, be sure you have embraced God’s charge to you as parents. Contemplate if the private, Christian school experience can gainfully support your role as the primary educator for your child.   

Prayerful and Careful Consideration of the Christian School Option

There is much to survey when considering the private, Christian school option: the spiritual impact of teachers and the peer group, your child’s level of spiritual maturity, the academic rigor of the program, and the costs of time and money. It is also essential to consider, from a Biblical perspective, the fundamental responsibilities of parenting.

 Here are some steps that can help you move forward: 

• Pray with your spouse specifically about this decision. Consider setting aside a daily or weekly time to do this. Be sure you are willing to submit to God’s answer to your prayer. Ask God for His will to be done. Ask Him to open and close doors as you take steps in faith. Prayer can give us peace that isn’t attainable in any other way. Also, ask others to pray along with you.

• Write down the cost in terms of money. Where will every dollar for the tuition bill come from? Consider all the financial sacrifices you will need to make. Will you be paying less toward debt? Will there be fewer family vacations? If you are currently putting money into savings, will you continue to do this? Are there financial goals, such as college savings plans, that will be put on the back burner?

• Write down the cost in terms of time. If the change you’re considering will affect your family’s schedule, write it down. Will there be a change in commute time to school? More time spent on schoolwork or extra-curriculars? Will a parent be spending more time at work, and less time at home? Will the schedule changes affect commitments such as church attendance or ministry? 

• Trust God and follow His leading. While we shouldn’t make decisions based on our feelings, I do think God gives us convictions and they shouldn’t be ignored. If you are in God’s Word, if you are learning and growing in your understanding of Biblical parenting, if you are praying about this decision, if you are seeking God’s direction—if all these are true and you feel led in a particular way—trust God and move forward. Sometimes we forget that trusting God means taking action. It’s easier to have doors open and shut when we’re walking in faith. Remember that you can commit to just one year at a time.  

• Dampen the unsolicited sway of others. If you have carefully and prayerfully decided on a school option, turn off the unsolicited voices that might distract you. Remove these from your Facebook feed. Unsubscribe from any promotional material that might cause doubt when you need to forge ahead. 

God has called us to diligently teach and train our children. We need to be the primary influence in their lives. He can equip us to fulfill this role. We should not have a spirit of fear. We need to seek His wisdom and take steps forward, in faith.